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Forget Zogby. Forget Gallup, Associated Press, Rasmuessen, UsaToday, the Washington Post and the New York Times. The NFL has spoken, and the election has been decided.

The Washington Redskins lost!

John Kerry wins!

The Election Game

(November 1, 2004)

Seventeen games since 1936 . . . seventeen elections . . . seventeen times the outcome of one has predicted the outcome of the other . . . Bush may as well start packing, and I can now celebrate the return of sanity to the Oval Office. But what was the cost of my political desires?

The (dare I speak the name without fear of football damnation) Green Bay Packers won.

As I sat in front of the television, politics had invaded my autumn religion. A Vikings fan, and a resident heretic in Bears country, I share a common commandment with the worshipers of Halas and Ditka: "thou shalt not put cheese on thy head." Daunte and Randy needed me to weep for them, but I lusted to paint my face yellow and green, bowed to Brett Favre. The New York Giants scored one touchdown, then another, but I did not care. I left my lucky jersey hanging lonely and forgotten in my closet. I let the helmet with the big "G"defile my television screen, only grudgingly permitted before when I could get the chance to see it ground into the dirt in a sea of purple and gold or left stumbling in the dust of number 84 streaking down the sidelines.

I sold my football soul to see a mere president win.

I may now be lynched by the devout of the "Monsters of the Midway," but I don’t care. I deserve it for my blasphemy. I have let Bud Grant and the "Purple People Eaters" down. I can never hold my head high in the halls of St. Tarkington again. Can Tommy Kramer and Robert Smith ever forgive me? I have sinned and fallen short of your goalpost glory. I let the future of the world sway me from your gridiron grace . . .

The election game has come and gone, and it was fun to play a fanatic for a few short hours. But its only a football game, the statistic is only a coincidence no matter how you slice it, and it carries no bearing on how I plan to vote. While I enjoyed imagining the possibility that something so important could be decided in 60 football minutes, I know the real deal comes tomorrow. This election is anything but a game, and God will not decide the outcome any more than the Washington Redskins no matter how hard anyone prays. This most crucial election will not be decided by pre-election polls, analyst predictions, or fate. It will be decided by people casting votes, all superstitions and wishful thinking aside. If more people part the voting booth curtains to see Kerry win, he will no more no less. If more people check the box next to George W. Bush, he gets to stay four more years. The election rests solely in our hands.

I plan to vote my conscience, not the will of a pastor.

I plan to vote with common sense, keeping in mind the issues at stake, not the will of the Almighty as perceived through fear, fundamentalism, a false sense of patriotic duty, and following the crowd.

I plan to vote for the president of the United States of America, not the next messiah. I’m sorry, but neither one even comes close to being Jesus . . . frankly, I don’t think politics was ever his bag. With the election, I am looking for someone that would best run my country, not save my soul.

I plan to vote in protest of the current administration, which does not care what I think. Last I heard, our government is supposed to serve the will of the people, not the other way around, and our Constitution must never be compromised no matter what. Civil liberties are a right, not a privilege, and an administration that promotes the idea that the voice of dissent has no place in our great country has betrayed us all.

I plan to vote for the security of our nation as well as the world, not for the one most likely to consign us to the next. Our’s is a country that owes a great responsibility to the world to protect the peace and promote cooperation among other sovereign nations, not wage war because we can. Iraq never should have happened, because of 9/11 . . .both places have seen the innocent killed by leaders too quick to avenge, too lost in their own ideologies to focus on the target which would satisfy their sense of justice. Both sides currently in power have only succeeded in helping the enemy, no more no less, and it is ever so close to spinning out of any control.

I plan to vote Kerry, no more no less. Those of you who want to see him win, go vote. If you think I am wrong, go vote for the other guy. It is that simple . . . no magic or mystery . . . no divine providence . . . one person, one vote, and a nation moves. . .

And I know in my heart the Vikings will understand.

I voted Kerry.  Bush won, and the Green Bay Packers swept the Minnesota Vikings, taking the NFC North divisional crown on Christmas Eve.  While at the posting of the piece the Vikings are still in playoff contention, their season is all but finished, barring a football miracle, but the Democrats will have to wait til next election to try to restore sanity in the Federal Government.  My congratulations to the winners. My condolences to the losers . . . and may the competition go on.